Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
