So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
