Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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