can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
