I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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