it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
