When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
