its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
