God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
