Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Enjoy the penises
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
