You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
