Grow some girl-balls and come out already
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
