i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
