So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
