Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
