well I can't set my house on fire every night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
