I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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