and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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