I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
