Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
