Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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