Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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