it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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