I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Is Oprah even human
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize