my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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