The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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