Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The adults are the big ones right?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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