i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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