can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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