whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
