clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
