My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
