i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
