I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
