I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
