Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
