I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
