don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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