dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
