Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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