my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to make out with him forever
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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