you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
