I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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