how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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