i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
