I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
