remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
