who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
