I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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