dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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