All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my being single is dangerous.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
