I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
