You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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