I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
