I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
