party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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