so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
