I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
