i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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