Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
