i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
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I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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