Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
