A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
