I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
