Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
In America we eat man semen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
