I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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