I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
