is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
