you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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