tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
