Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
