he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
