That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
