Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
