Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think a kid would responsible me up
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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