my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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