i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
