Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
