You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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