I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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