Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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