so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
