We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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