if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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