I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize