Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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