just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
