he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
