hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
