Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
