im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This house was built for laser tag.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
