Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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