Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
